Life After Divorce, Mastering The Balancing Act

Couples that choose to get a divorce when there are children involved face added challenges. The process of divorce, in of itself, can be emotionally damaging and if not addressed properly can leave long lasting wounds. Children are especially vulnerable to developing resentment, guilt and an unhealthy perception of family life that can stay imprinted on them through their adult life. 

It is important that both parents make their children's emotional well-being a top priority and protect them as much as possible from the bitter effects of divorce. The best way to do this is by modeling the behavior that you want for your children to follow. Children will soon grow to understand that, in life, it is inevitable to experience unexpected and unwanted change, failure and other life altering situations. It is our job as parents and adults to teach and provide a blueprint of the route to take in order to best conquer those challenges and grow from the experiences.

Remember to keep your support system close to you and don't be afraid to reach out to them when your feeling overwhelmed. Friends and family that love and support you can provide you with a more balanced approach to the way that you perceive your experiences. They can also provide an escape from the day-to-day hustle and bustle, giving you time to release and recharge.

As a newly divorced single parent you must master and effectively implement the art of the "balancing act." Managing the stress of rebuilding after divorce, along with the added responsibility of being a single parent providing structure, guidance and a stable and happy home can seem like an unrealistic task at first sight. The good thing about this is when you understand the balancing act, you can rebuild bigger and better, while at the same time, providing your children with the loving tools to thrive in adulthood.

By far the best ways to develop a solid balancing act is through prayer and meditation. Dedicating just 10 minutes a day to prayer and meditation can change the way you make decisions and how you decide to experience life situations. They are both powerful tools used to teach you how to quite negative chatter, calm your mind and by association release stress and tension. When your mind is calm, your vision becomes clear. You can see what is important to you and realize what you can do without. With a clear vision and spiritual guidance you will be better equipped to choose a goal and plan a realistic path to reach your goal, while at the same successfully maneuvering the balancing act and raising balanced children.

Taking A Vacation With Kids

Just when you thought that it couldn’t get any more stressful to think of ways to keep kids entertained when traveling long hours in airplanes, you even have to consider other passengers who might feel that the children are being too disruptive or noisy! While flying with kids can seem difficult, it needn't be -- by following the suggestions below, you can definitely find fool-proof ways to keep the kids happy, parents stress-free and other passengers contented.

Steps

1. Plan the time of the flight. There is never an ideal time to fly long haul, but if you fly through the night, there is more of a chance that your child will sleep through at least some of the journey. This will make the journey -- as well as the time that you need to keep your child occupied -- seem a lot shorter.
2. Use the in-flight entertainment, but don't rely on it alone. Many larger airlines have in-flight entertainment such as films, music and even children's channels. However, there are times when it might be broken or unsuitable. The wearing of the headphones might also irritate your child.
3. Bring an array of entertainment materials for your child. During the times that in-flight entertainment just won't cut it, you should always have alternative sources of entertainment on hand. Bring along items such as:
   
   • Portable video game consoles
   • An MP3 player, plus music and audio books
   • An electronic book that can be used softly
   • Coloring books, activity books and blank drawing paper - Do not forget the pencils and crayons!
   • Stickers - These are useful for making designs on blank pages while drawing.
   • Magnetic games - Buy the travel-size game kits available from many toy stores, service stations and airport gift stores.
   • Books to read together
   • Flash-cards and other learning items
   • Kid's puzzle books - Sudoku, crosswords, find-a-word, mad-libs, jokes, etc.
   • Print off some games to play on paper, such as tic-tac-toe, mazes or dot-to-dots. There are many such print-outs available on kids' sites online.
   • A couple of your child's favorite toys which are portable enough, such as stuffed animals or dolls
4. Reward your child for good behavior. Surprise and reward your child for his patience on long journeys. Wrap up a new toy and present him with it after he has proven that he has been well-behaved enough -- it's a shameless bribery, but it may work.
5. Bring some snacks. Snacks can keep your children satisfied, which may encourage napping. Choose foods that aren’t packed with sugar and that won’t melt or crumble apart. Licorice, cracker sandwiches, cereal and granola bars are good bets. Try preparing these snacks in unique ways. Young kids will love cereal pieces strung onto yarn to form an edible necklace.
6. Ensure variety in your child's activities. Children hate being restricted. Once they're strapped in, they can't pick up toys they've dropped, or move about and look around as much as they want to. A child on a long-haul flight is a time bomb of energy. Vary activities as much as possible. Alternate between playing music, giving out snacks, playing with toys and reading books.
7. Have the kids become vacation planners. Contact the tourism board or local chamber of commerce of your destination before leaving for your trip. Request travel brochures and tourist information. Arrange these in a folder for ease of viewing during the flight. Let the kids flip through the fliers and magazines while in flight to further prepare them and boost their enthusiasm. Give kids as young as eight a calculator and a budget. Then, let them work out a simple, affordable itinerary. Before coming back home, toss or recycle the pamphlets to lighten the load.
8. Create a photo project. Prior to the return flight, take your digital camera’s memory stick to a drug store and pop it into a do-it-yourself photo center. Request one-hour prints. Then, purchase a small scrapbook for each child and let them record their memories with special pens while they stick down photos with double-sided tape. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at what they thought were the important moments of their family vacation.
9. Take a few minutes to review basic safety strategies with your kids. You do have a captive audience, after all. The excitement of new places can be overwhelming. Remind young ones what to do if they get separated from you, who they can trust and about safety in numbers. It’s also a good idea to have the kids help you make out a safety card that they can keep with them. The card can remind them of everything from the name of the hotel that they are staying in, to the first names of mom and dad.
10. Consider renting electronic gadgets. If traveling within a single country, it may be possible to rent electronic gadgets for the time that you will be in the air. Some entertainment companies rent DVD players, movies and headphones for use on vacation and during flights.
11. Enjoy your flight!

Tips

• The most important thing to remember when traveling with kids is to think ahead and minimize the hassles that you might encounter. This includes considering the documentation that children will need when traveling both internationally and domestically. Also, be sure to check on the status of your flight before leaving for the airport to avoid a lengthy wait.
• Keep in mind the shrinking aisle space and have your kids bring their own backpacks, instead of a rolling carry-on which can slow them down. Young ones will be proud of all the responsibility that comes with toting their own luggage. Don’t forget to add luggage tags to backpacks too, just in case they get left behind.
• This is a great time to introduce books, flashcards and other learning materials tailored to your child’s age. If you have school-age children, ask their teacher what he or she suggests. Many teachers will happily provide their students with homework material for the time that they are away from the classroom -- for example, sums, spelling and writing.

Warnings

• Have your child under the age of 3 sit in his or her own seat in an FAA-approved child safety seat, not on your lap. It's more expensive, but safer. A lap child might impede your ability to brace and may not have access to an oxygen mask in the unlikely event of an emergency.
• Avoid toys with little pieces. Fetching little pieces from across various parts of the aircraft is not only impractical, but will likely result in embarrassment for you and loud noise from an upset child. Little pieces or small toys are also easy for small children to throw, and they can land in other passengers' food or faces.
• Remember to check your country's transport authority website for the latest restrictions for carry-ons. There are now restrictions in place on the amount and type of liquids or gels able to be carried past security. Exceptions are sometimes made for children and babies, allowing them to carry on bottles, juice boxes and sippy-cups. Make sure that you declare these items before going through security and that you place them in their own quart-size zip-top bag. It is recommended that you only pack the amount of juice, milk or breast-milk that you will need for the flight. Larger amounts can be checked with your luggage.

Lose Weight Fast

Inspirational Quotes For Parents: Change Your Attitude

Inspirational Quotes For Parents: Change Your Attitude: "The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude."

Inspirational Quotes For Parents: Positive Influences

Inspirational Quotes For Parents: Positive Influences: "Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher."

Tips On Teaching Kids About Money

As kids grow, they tend to become more thoughtful about money, and it's a process to teach them how to save more, shop wisely and earn money through small jobs. The current economic troubles provide a fitting time to school our kids on personal finance, according to Eric Tyson, author of Personal Finance for Dummies. If you're feeling guilty because you can't buy your child that video game system he desperately wants for Christmas, or you're asking him to choose between playing recreation basketball or taking karate lessons this winter, Eric Tyson has one word for you. Don't. In fact, he says, now is the perfect time to teach your kids some valuable financial lessons and learn that budgeting is how the world really works.

Steps

1. Expose your kids to the realities. "Kids are surprisingly aware of what's going on in the world," says Tyson. "And if they don't know that times are a little bit tough and Mom & Dad are having to watch their spending, it's time to tell them. Sheltering kids from financial realities does them no favors." A good grasp of personal finance is one of the most valuable life skills a person can have. And while previous generations may have been raised with the constant admonishment that "money doesn't grow on trees!" too many of today's parents neglect that lesson. It's time to change that—and the economic crisis we're in now provides a great incentive for doing so.
2. Tell kids the truth. Kids are perceptive. If you've been acting anxious and on edge lately, they've noticed. Rather than let them wonder why Mom and Dad are working so much lately or constantly talking about money, explain (on their level) what's going on in the family's financial world. This might mean explaining why vacations have to be cut back, why there will be fewer toys under the tree etc.
3. Explain to them how much things cost. Some parents are surprised to find out that their kids don't have a very good grasp on what things cost because they have been sheltering them from this always. A great hands-on way to open their eyes is to take them on a "money tour" around the house. For example, kids might not understand that hot water costs more than cold water, or that bumping up the heat results in higher power bills. This exercise will teach them how they can conserve and thus help the family save money. You can also pile up all of the bills for the month and have them look at the amount on each one. Show them what the family's cost of living is and again reiterate the areas where they can play a part in reducing the costs.
4. Realize that kids learn what they live. It may sound like common sense, but you—Mom and Dad—are your kids' most influential teachers. When you ring up a barge-load of credit card debt, take out exorbitant mortgages or car loans, and fail to save anything, that's what your kids come to see as normal. If you are modeling unhealthy financial habits, you can't realistically expect your kids to "do as I say, not as I do."
5. Deprogram them. Kids are constantly bombarded with information about expensive things, whether it's the fancy sports car they like, the wardrobe of their favorite athlete or actor or the many appeals to luxury in the 40,000 commercials that the American Academy of Pediatrics estimates the average American child sees each year. What they aren't bombarded with is knowledge on how to manage money effectively. And while schools are increasingly incorporating money issues into the existing curriculum, the broader concepts of personal financial management still aren't taught. Frightening though it may be, some schools rely on free "educational" materials from the likes of VISA and MasterCard!
6. Start an allowance. An allowance is a great teaching tool. You don't have to break child labor laws to find great ways to help your kids earn their allowance rather than just have it handed over to them. A well-implemented allowance program can mimic many money matters that adults face every day throughout their lives. From recognizing the need to earn the green stuff to learning how to responsibly and intelligently spend, save, and invest their allowance, children can gain a solid financial footing from a young age.
7. Start them saving and investing early. It's never too early to start saving, and the sooner you can instill the importance of saving money into your kids the better. After they start earning an allowance, have your kids save a significant portion (up to half) of their allowance money toward longer-term goals, such as college (just be careful about putting money in children's names as doing so can harm college financial aid awards). Tyson recommends that children reserve about one-third of their weekly take for savings. As they accumulate more significant savings over time, you can introduce the concept of investing.
8. Reduce their exposure to ads. The primary path to reduced exposure to ads is to cut down on TV time. When kids are in front of the tube, have them watch prerecorded material. You can direct the television viewing of younger children, in particular, toward videos and DVDs. And for older kids, if you use digital video recorders (DVRs), such as TIVO, you can easily zap ads. But when an ad does sneak under the radar and set the kids to begging, address it. Explain to your kids that there's never a good time for frivolous impulse spending—but it's especially harmful when money is tight.
9. Find entertaining ways to teach good money habits. You'll probably face an uphill battle when teaching kids about personal finance. That's why it's so important to find entertaining ways to instill good financial habits in them. For younger kids Tyson recommends age-appropriate books like The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies. For late-elementary-school-aged kids, Quest for the Pillars of Wealth by J.J. Pritchard is a chapter book that teaches the major personal finance concepts through an engaging adventure story. You could also get them a subscription to Zillions, a kids' magazine from the publishers of Consumer Reports, which covers money and buying topics. Consider playing the board games Monopoly and Life to teach more money skills as well.
10. Teach them how to shop wisely. Family shopping trips, whether for groceries or something else, are likely to be your kids' first encounter with spending. They'll see you make decisions based on what the family needs, maybe see the occasional coupon used, and will observe how you pay. These trips are a great time to teach them lessons about money and the value of product research and comparison shopping.
11. Introduce the right and wrong ways to use credit and debit cards. Those plastic cards in your wallet offer a convenient way to conduct purchases in stores, by phone, and over the Internet. Unfortunately, credit cards offer temptation for overspending and carrying debt from month to month. Teach your kids the difference between a credit and debit card, explaining that debit cards are connected to your checking account and thus prevent you from overspending as you can on a credit card. Make credit card usage the exception, not the rule.
12. Encourage older kids to get a job. An allowance doesn't have to be the only way for your kids to earn money. Your child's initial exposure to the work-for-pay world can start with something as simple as a lemonade stand. Depending on age, he or she might do yard work for neighbors or offer babysitting services. And the fact that we're in a recession makes it all the more appropriate for older kids to "help out" by getting a part-time job—especially to fund unnecessary purchases like DVDs or cool clothing.

Divorce: How To Maintain Sanity And Raise Balanced Kids

Parenting is a challenging proposition no matter what the situation, but when a divorce is taking place, parenting becomes an obstacle course. Not only are you dealing with your personal tragedy and are attempting to keep your life moving forward, but in addition to dealing with your crisis you can only guess how your child is being affected, especially when the divorce is less than amicable.

Making matters worse is the new parenting arrangement that forces the parties to the divorce to suddenly become master communicators about parenting, school issues, and of course the visitation schedule. In some cases the joint custody agreements that now make up the majority of shared parenting requests during divorces are extremely complex and complicated, determining the when and where of parenting down to the second.

If you find that you are in this maelstrom of chaos, sit back and go back to the basics. Here to help you is the divorcing parent's guide to parenting in a simple do and don't listing.

The Do's

• Maintain and open door policy with your children and make yourself available at all times to talk about the separation of living quarters between you and your spouse. Your children need to understand that they had no role in your decision to divorce and that they are not to blame for anything that happened.
• Children will need to work through the grief that comes from losing the family. This might cause the typical stages of grief, including bargaining, reasoning and anger. You may find that you are the target for these emotions. Remain calm, even if your children express anger, and remember that you are the adult in the room. While you do not need to justify yourself to your children, you should answer their questions factually, in an age appropriate manner.
• Stabilize the upheaval your children are experiencing. This is not the time to move them to a new school or daycare center, but instead it is the time to keep everything exactly the same, even if you need to drive out of your way to pick up your children.
• Set up a support network. Your children's teachers, caregivers, and other adults should know that you are divorcing and on the lookout for odd behaviors. This may also help them to make themselves available if your children need to open up to someone other than you.
• Involve your children in your plans. If you are thinking of moving, enlist your children's help in the process. Give them a lot of warning ahead of time so they can get used to the idea. Anything that presents a change to their already upside down home environment should be discussed well ahead of the event.
• Listen closely to what your children tell you. No matter how small the matter may appear to you, to your child they may be of greatest significance, especially now that their living situation has changed completely.
• Come up with new family traditions and way of doing things. This provides a sense of continuity and also a sense of belonging.

Here are the Don'ts

• Refrain from speaking in negative terms about your former spouse. Remember that she or he is still your child's other parent, and no matter what you think about the person, your child still loves them dearly! Forcing your child to take sides will backfire on you, even if initially they side with you.
• Avoid using your children as messengers to your former spouse. If you have something to pass on, contact your former spouse or their attorney directly, but do not make your kids pass notes or carry verbal information back and forth. If it is a bad message, your children will be on the receiving end of the frustration!

Word to Live by
Truth be told, there is no easy way out of a divorce. Help yourself and your children to adjust to the new way of life with the help of a mental health specialist. In some cases it may take a bit of time for obvious behavioral outbursts to take place, but even if they are slow in coming, they are nonetheless virtually inevitable.

Remember that both you and your child are adjusting to the new living quarter, the environment, and the absence of the other parent. Individual and also family counseling may help everyone to move on.

Parenting Help: How To Be A Good Parent

Being a parent is one of the most fulfilling experiences a person can have. There is a natural instinct that seems to come to a new parent, but there are bits of advice that can help when you are challenged in the growing up years. The most important thing however, that any parent can give their child, is a sense of being loved and the most important thing that any parent can remember is that they don't have to be infallible to be a "perfect" parent.

Steps

1. Express love and affection
   
   • A gentle cuddle, a little encouragement, appreciation, approval or even a smile can go a long way to boost the confidence and well-being of your children. Sadly, many children seek this kind of acceptance from their peers.
   • Tell them you love them every day.
   • Give lots of hugs and some kisses
   • Love them unconditionally; don't force them to be who you think they should be in order to earn your love. Let them know that you will always love them no matter what.
2. Listen to them.
   
   • Express interest in your children and involve yourself in his and her life.
   • Create an atmosphere in which they can come to you with a problem however large or small.
3. Help them feel safe
   
   • Respect their privacy as you would want them to respect yours; for example, if you teach your child that your room is out of boundaries to them, respect the same with their room. Allow them to feel that once they enter their room they can know that no one will look through their drawers, or read their diary.
   • Instill in them, a sense of belonging by displaying individual and family portraits on the walls of the house.
   • Don't argue with your spouse in front of the children. If they are sleeping, argue quietly. Modern divorce rates have children feeling insecure and fearful when they hear parents bickering. In addition, children will learn to argue with each other the same way they hear their parents argue with each other. Show them that when people disagree, they can discuss their differences peacefully.
   • Avoid favoritism. Surveys have shown that most parents have favorites, but most children believe they are the favorite. If your children are quarreling, don't choose sides.
   • Give up your vices: gambling, alcohol and drugs can jeopardize your child's financial security. Smoking almost always introduces health hazards to your child's environment. Second-hand smoke has been linked to several respiratory ailments in children. It could also contribute to the early death of a parent. Alcohol and drugs might also introduce health hazards or violence to your child's environment.
4. Provide order.
   
   • Set boundaries such as bedtimes and curfews, so they learn that they have limitations. By doing so, they actually get a sense of being loved and cared about by their parents. They might rebel at those boundaries, but inwardly enjoy knowing that concerned parents love them.
   • Encourage responsibility by giving them jobs or "chores" to do and as a reward for those jobs give them some kind of privilege (money, extended curfew, extra play time, etc). As "punishment" for not doing these jobs they have the corresponding privilege revoked. Even the youngest of children can learn this concept of reward/consequence. As your child grows, give them more responsibilities and more rewards/consequences for not completing those responsibilities.
   • Teach them what is right and wrong. If you are religious take them to the religious institute that you follow. If you are agnostic, teach them your moral stance things. In either case, don't be hypocritical or be prepared for your child to point out that you are not "practicing what you preach".
   • Don't routinely do things for your children that they can learn to do for themselves. While getting them a glass of water before bed is a nice way to make them get to sleep faster, don't do it so often that they come to expect it.
   • Model moderation and responsibility when it comes to drinking. Explain that they will have to wait until they are old enough to enjoy a drink with friends and talk about the importance of designated drivers. Failure to discuss these issues early sometimes contributes to sneaking and dangerous experimentation. Again, don't be hypocritical or your child will (more than likely) ignore your advice.
5. Praise your children
   
   • Avoid comparing your children to others, especially siblings. Each child is individual and unique. Celebrate their differences and instill in each child the desire to pursue their interests and dreams. Failure to do so may give your child an inferiority complex, an idea that they can never be good enough in your eyes.
   • Teach your children that it is okay for them to be different and they do not have to follow the crowd. Teach them right from wrong when then are young, and they will (more often than not) be able to make their own decisions, instead of listening to others.
   • Remember that your child is not an extension of yourself. Your child is an individual under your care, not a chance for you to relive your life through them.
6. Avoid criticism by focusing on the behavior.
   
   • When your child acts out in a harmful and spiteful manner, tell him or her that such behavior is unacceptable and suggest alternatives. Avoid statements such as: "You're bad." "Go away!" etc (as difficult as it may be).
   • Be assertive yet kind when pointing out what they have done wrong. Be stern, but not cross, when you tell them what you expect.
   • Avoid public humiliation. If they misbehave in public, take them aside, and scold them privately.
   • Model the behavior and character you hope your children will adopt and live by the rules you set. Show them by example in addition to verbal explanations. Children have a tendency to become what they see and hear unless they make a conscious and concerted effort to break the mold.
7. Be consistent
   
   • Enforce rules that apply to every person leading a happy and productive life. Not just the rules of your ideal person.
   • Enforce the same rules all the time, and resist your child's attempts to manipulate you into making exceptions.
   • Control your temper.
   • Communicate clearly. Children should be very familiar with the consequences of their actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure they understand the reason and the fault, if you cannot articulate the reason and how they are at fault the punishment will not have the discouraging effects you desire.
   • Life is a great teacher. Don't be too quick to rescue your child from the results of their own actions if the consequences are not overly severe. Example: Cutting themselves may hurt, but it's better than leaving them unaware of why sharp objects should be avoided.
8. Spend time with each child individually, try to divide your time equally if you have more than one child.
   
   • Set aside a day to go to a park, theme parks, museum or library depending on their interests.
   • Attend school functions. Do homework with them. Visit their teacher at open house. Even if it means taking some time away from work. Remember that children grow fast, and soon will be on their own. Your boss may or may not remember that you missed that meeting, but your child will most certainly remember that you didn't attend the play they were in.
9. Be a Role Model - Young kids are like sponges. As parents we are our children's first role model. Pay attention to what you say or do around them and think about what kind of example you are making.
   
   • Want to teach kids about charity? Get involved and take your kids with you to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter and help serve up meals. Explain to them why you do acts of charity so they understand why they should.
   • Teach kids about chores by setting a schedule and having them help you out. Don't tell your child to do something, but ask for their help. The earlier they learn to help you, the longer they will be willing to.
   • Want your kids to listen to you? Show them you can listen to them.
   • If you want your son or daughter to learn to share, set a good example and share your things with them.
10. Allow them to experience life for themselves - But don't just lose total control. Don't make decisions for them all the time, they must learn how to live with the consequences from the choices they make. After all, they will have to learn to think for themselves sometime. It's best they start when you are there to help minimize the negative consequences and accentuate the positive ones. They need to learn that their own actions have consequences (good and bad). By doing so, it helps them to become good decision makers and problem solvers so that they are prepared for independence and adulthood. Do not miss this crucial step. You must explain their options, and the consequences of each one, then live with whatever option they select.
11. Spend a lot of time with them and love them with all your heart, but don't smother them. There's a big difference between protecting someone and imprisoning them.

Tips

• If you're trying to quit a habit, look into groups that can help you overcome it. Always get support, and have someone you can talk to when you begin to get a craving for your habit. Remember that you're not only helping yourself, but you're helping your child as well.
• Reflect on your own childhood frequently. Identify the mistakes your parents made, and make an effort to avoid them. Every generation of parents gets to make a whole set of new mistakes.
• Encourage introspection by sharing with your children your own self-evaluations.
• Address your needs to be loved but value your children's needs over others. Do not abandon your children for love interests. Make your child a priority when you are dating, and do not put your child in danger by introducing someone new into the household that you do not know well. Children need to feel safe, secure and loved. If you are suddenly leaving them out and not addressing their needs in order to tend to a new boyfriend or girlfriend, your children will grow to feel insecure and abandoned. Love is needed by everyone, but not at the expense of your child's emotional health. This also applies to older children. A teen who is getting ready to start their adult life needs the support of a parent more than ever. Do not think that just because they are almost 18 that you can leave them to figure it all out on their own. Your children are yours for life.

Warnings

• Do not be afraid to be a parent. Do your best, be their friend, but never let them forget you are their parent.
• Parenting does not stop when a child grows up. Being a good parent remains a life-long role. But remember that once they become adults, the decisions they make in life are ultimately theirs.
• Do not strictly follow the parental behavioral stereotypes of your culture, race, ethnic group, family, or other defining factor. For example, it is a commonly seen stereotype that Asian parents will force their children to achieve impeccable grades and take math and music classes, etc. These stereotypes are WRONG! Each child is individual and each parent loves their child. Please do not believe that there is only one way to raise a child.
• Do not force them by beating or hurting them. It will only cause resentment and make them go against you. Also, you will get arrested and your child will be placed in foster care. If you have multiple children, they may be separated.
• If your teen has a friend who has parents that let them smoke, do drugs, and have sexual intercourse, the parents are TERRIBLE parents. The legal age for sex is 18, and cigarettes and drugs are extremely dangerous thing..